We all regret something. And the more time of our lives passes by the more we will regret. That’s a natural process. Simply because no one is perfect. But although regrets and mistakes are necessary to develop ourselves throughout life, there are things you want to avoid regretting at the end of your lifetime. Why? Because when you regret one of these things at the end of your life, you know that you messed it up.
The top 5 regrets of the dying
Before, I’ll tell you more about the top 5 regrets of the dying I first want to tell you how I stumbled across them. In my early days of Self-DevelopmentI was on the hunt for books to learn more about life. To learn about how I can improve myself, give something back and leave 9 to 5.
One of the books I’ve found was “The One Thing” (which I can highly recommend by the way). Despite “The One Thing” is actually about achieving extraordinarily with finding one thing you’re incredibly good in, there are several other interesting points in there. One of them were the top 5 regrets of the dying.
Originally elated by Bronnie Ware, who worked together with dying people for a long time the top 5 regrets of the dying mirror the things most dying people would have made differently in retrospect. And although hopefully the end of your life is still far far away I probably don’t exaggerate when I tell you that they’ve changed my life.
Not only that I’ve never thought about my last weeks on earth before. But also, that most people come to grips to themselves not until the end of their lives. That they aren’t able to be honest to themselves, until the life starts fading out of their bodies.
It’s true. Without having a conceivable end, it’s hard to be honest. It’s hard to be true to oneself. I never thought about this before and probably the same goes for you. Depending on how old you are and what your thoughts take care about, you may have also never thought about this before.
But if you’ve finished reading this post, things will look different. I promise. From now on, you’ll think a bit more about things with the end in mind, because you’ll probably realize that most of us waste a lot of time with things we don’t enjoy.
A triggering experience
As I’ve said, reading about the top 5 regrets of the dying made me start thinking about my own life. It made me question the sense behind all of my doing. Behind my studies, my way to live, my way to approach others and everything else related to my person.
But not in a bad way. Moreover, in a new and unknown way. I didn’t bully myself for certain things I regret. But I became aware of things I’m doing although they don’t make me happy.
A few weeks back I explained that I need an enormous change, a change which alters my way of life from the ground on. And exactly this wanted change is a direct consequence from spending hours and hours thinking about my life and how I want to prevent myself from experiencing the top 5 regrets of the dying in my life.
Why? Simply because during my 22 years on earth I’ve seen so many unsatisfied souls. And naïve as I was, a few years back, I’ve believed that this is life. I believed that it’s normal to be unsatisfied with my daily job and seek help and remedy on the weekends.
That it’s normal to find any kind of distraction with material stuff, expensive vacancies, media and alcohol. I believed that this is the “normal” life. Longing for weekends, hating Mondays, trying to forget all the garbage I encounter at work.
I had no idea
Not a bit. Not at all. Back then, I believed that school and university are the only ways to gain knowledge. I believed in a traditional way of life with having a wife, a nice car and two children with 35. I believed in the standard. The “good”. I strongly believed in everything told by the society. Never before, I had questioned what others declared as good or right.
But then, I questioned everything
That’s what happened to me in the moment I’ve read the top 5 regrets of the dying. No, actually in the moment I understood them. It was one of the extreme “aha”-moments in life. Moments which change your view on life and remain in your mind forever.
Moments in which things start falling apart just to rebuild themselves in a totally different order, with new pieces and twists. It was one of the things you can’t forget once you understood them. But more on that in a second. First, let’s answer this question:
Why do I trust the top 5 regrets of the dying?
Finally, the reason why I trust in avoiding the top 5 regrets to live a fulfilling life is actually simple: I trust in the life experience of older people. These people experienced a lot of good and bad things in their lives and with the slowly dawn of life most of them create a never-experienced openness and focus on the important things in life.
And guess what, it’s neither extra hours, nor money!
Therefore, I deeply believe that the following words are not only true but also life-changing if you’re open enough to understand them. If you’re willing enough to take action.
Here are the top 5 regrets of the dying
#1 I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
The first regret is the biggest. Too many of us waste our lives by living the lives somebody else is expecting of us. Society, friends and even the own family are the main influencing factors for hiding behind a “secure” life with all the typical amenities we are used to.
Although we might want to break free, although we have inspiring dreams and great ideas. But we feel insecure, if we realize that we’re probably travelling alone on our road to personal fulfillment.
This is the main factor people go for the easy way. Fear. We start working our asses of, spend most time of our lives in cubicles and live the corporate “dream life”.
Simply because, we fear the reaction of others more as our own reaction, our own dissatisfaction with life. But is this what you should looking for in life? Is this what makes you smile when you think about it? Obviously not!
Therefore, be courageous enough to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if the way you approach life, is the way you actually want to approach life. Is what you’re doing, what you want to do? And is your way of life the way you want to live?
Important here: Try impressing yourself over trying to impress others. This is probably the best way to live up to your personally fulfilling life.
#2 I wish I hadn’t worked so much
Already mentioned, we work our asses off in our lives. As there’s no other way to live life. We define ourselves over our net worth, our jobs and the fancy titles we got.
Dr.’s, Prof.’s, CEO’s are the titles we aim for. I mean, how absurd is this? Is there anybody out there who still appreciates character, virtues and even personal weaknesses which make us the persons we are?
After a life of work, people realize that this work can’t give them back what they have invested in. I personally can relate to that. Well, my father can. Recently, I had a conversation with him and we talked about the demographic change in Germany and economic crises in the world.
During this conversation I saw an overwhelming dissatisfaction and fear in his eyes. After a life of work (my father has retired recently) he feels pretermitted. Although he worked hard his whole life, the retirement pay he gets is relatively low. So low that he is urged to think about finding a new place to live.
But actually, the whole problem isn’t even the low retirement pay he gets. The problem is his realization that he invested huge parts of his life into working hard in jobs, instead of freeing time for more important things in life. It’s exactly what this whole regret is about!
Why?
Why do people spend so many hours working, instead of doing things they like better? During my time I spent working abroad in Italy last year, I met colleagues who are looking forward to their retirement in 6 years! 6 freaking years! I mean how do they even have the power to get their bodies to the workplace every morning, when they hate what they do and look forward to something which is 6 years away?
I don’t get this whole concept. Not at all. I don’t know if I’m too dumb or something, but I can’t identify myself with doing this. I’m at the other end of the spectrum. I’m just starting out work life instead of leaving it. And I already realized that unfulfilling and too much work in a life can be an incredible strong regret at the end of it.
But unfortunately, for society working and having a job with a good reputation is way more achievable than enjoying life. No, at this point I don’t declare that all (9 to 5) jobs are evil, but please ask yourself two questions:
How often a day do you ask yourself “What the hell am I doing and why am I here?”?Am I satisfied and happy with doing my job on a daily basis despite normal ups and downs?
This is well enough to find out if something could be wrong. Ask yourself these questions and be honest to yourself. Because in the end, you’ll possibly waste your life working your ass off and regretting it afterwards.
#3 I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
Another point we probably first will realize when it’s too late. How often did you catch yourself telling your parents that you love them? Telling your friends that they look fabulous and telling a stranger that his/her haircut is on point?
Way to less, I tell you
Love is probably the strongest example for not being able to express our true feelings. But it isn’t only about love. Already now, most of us missed several chances to express our true feelings towards others.
But this isn’t the only point. For example most men aren’t able to cry. At least they think that they aren’t allowed. That they don’t need to or whatever you want to call it.
We all know that this is BS! Emotions are what differentiate humans from machines. They make us human and I can proudly tell that I’m able to cry, when things touch me deeply. Yes, I said it!
Emotions are what everybody should be able to express truly and freely. Not only to feel better but also for staying true to oneself and telling the people around you what you feel for them.
Therefore, have the courage to express your true feelings, your true opinion. And never hesitate to encourage others to do the same! Because then, you’ll have nothing to regret!
#4 I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Friends. They are our self-chosen family. They can take us through good and, even more important, bad times. Friends are sometimes a lifesaver and sometimes the person we trust the most.
But why did we miss the chance to stay in touch with true friends, the time we got this incredible job offer in a different country? How often did we miss our chance to become part of important days in their lives?
Weddings, birthdays of them or even the birthdays of their children. Often, we make the mistake that we work too much (regret #2) and miss the chance to show our true feelings (regret #3) to our friends.
This is why a lot of dying people regret that they didn’t stay in touch with their friends. Don’t do the same mistake. Don’t let your life pass by, losing the ones you’re loving. Take action, let your friends know what you feel and enjoy the time with them.
#5 I wish I had let myself be happier
Happiness is a choice. And I’m happy that I’ve already realized this, despite my young age. Because in the past I was one of the guys defining happiness by career success and material well-being.
Related: “Think you know how to become happy? Guess again!” & “49 quick and simple ways to happiness”
This means that I would have called myself happy as soon as I got this incredible house and a nice car. But how silly this idea sounds to me know. Now, I even can’t imagine myself having this, because I realized that these aren’t things that make me happy.
Do we spend up to 50 years on earth working, only to get the new Mercedes every two years? Or to pay off a house (which actually is property of the bank) until we can finally call it our own after freaking(!) 30 years? No, not at all!
But actually, this isn’t even the main problem
The main problem is that we link our happiness to material objects in three ways:
We eagerly want to call them ours (because then we are “happy”)When we can call them ours, we are either scared about any property-changing condition orWe even want more, although we’ve already more than enough
Instead of caring about the well-being of our human sisters and brothers we aim for the 500thPrimark t-shirt. Instead of spending and enjoying time with our loved ones, we work extra hours, just to be able to buy the new TV. Because happiness is directly related to the accumulation of more, isn’t it?
It isn’t! Instead, it lies within us and gets an incredible boost if we experience the joy of helping and inspiring others.
Although this might sound altruistic, it isn’t. Actually, we make ourselves feeling better because helping others feels like some kind of drug. No, I don’t exaggerate! Try it on your own. Make others smile and try to make them profit from your help. In the end, you’ll realize that this not only makes others happy, but also yourself!
In the title of this post I promised to tell you what to do to avoid the top 5 regrets of the dying in your life. And I already mentioned some important aspects in the explanation of the certain regrets. But I won’t miss my chance to tell you the best trick to avoid letting them define your life.
Luckily, it’s pretty simple
Make their avoidance of these regrets to one of your main goals in your life. Take care about yourself throughout life and remind yourself that these 5 regrets mirror a wasted life. In addition, don’t hesitate to start thinking about what you would regret at the end of your life.
The end in mind
Visualize yourself lying in the bed, only having a few minutes left to life. Now, try to find out what you would regret, when you didn’t do it in your life. Is it the missed chance to skydive? Is it not having a child? It’s totally up to you, but here are some inspirations that are important to me:
I would regret that I didn’t travel the world and missed my chance to learn more about different culturesI would regret that I didn’t make friends all over the world and missed my chance to spread kindness and loveI would regret that I didn’t have a positive impact on others’ livesI would regret that I didn’t hold at least one speech in front of lots of peopleI would regret that I didn’t give my best to fight climate change, world hunger and the general unfairness in this world
Take the things I would regret as an inspiration and define your very own. Define what you never want to miss to do during your life-time and I promise you that you’ll start finding out a lot about yourself.
Start with the end in mind. That’s one of the 7 habits of highly effective people (Another book, I can highly recommend!). And although we already started our lives without knowing about the top 5 regrets, we can now take action to avoid experiencing them.
A whole-new view on things
I bet if you haven’t known them before and give yourself some time now, you’ll have a whole-new view on things in your life. Probably, you’ll be more sensitive towards cursing, you’ll start to see and feel frustration quicker and you hopefully take action to avoid experiencing the top 5 regrets of the dying. So, the only thing left to say is this:
Make your life worth living!
Source: Timjulians
If you like this post, make sure to share it with your friends or give me your feedback in the comment section. Thanks!
No comments:
Post a Comment